by David Scott Robertson
I’m not afraid to die.
I have made my peace with God and trust in the shed blood of Christ
To make provisions for my sins.
Sometimes, though, I’m ashamed to die.
Ashamed because in spite of all the truth I’ve been exposed to
I still have not got my life figured out.
I’ve sat through incredible sermons.
I’ve listened to awesome Sunday School lessons.
I’ve been mentored by people who are light years ahead of me
In their spiritual walk and basic, vital wisdom.
I’ve watched videos by great teachers of the Bible.
I’ve listened to audiotapes by leadership developers that are brilliant and gifted.
I’ve read books written by inspired and motivated individuals.
I’ve thumbed through magazines with articles on discipleship
That are potentially life-transforming.
On top of this,
I have the Bible as an inerrant, inspired, and infallible Word of God
As Life’s Owner’s Manual;
I have a personal tutor in the Person of the Holy Spirit
To lead, guide and direct me into all truth;
I have the love of the Father,
The fellowship of His Son, Jesus,
And the communion of the Holy Spirit,
The fellowship of the saints,
And the constant companionship of a Proverbs 31 wife.
Yet in spite of the fact
That God has graciously provided me with
Everything I need pertaining to life and godliness
I still struggle with having a meaningful prayer time,
Read the Bible sometimes out of devotional duty,
Conduct my ministry as an obligation and moral responsibility,
And love people superficially.
When, O God, when
Am I going to come to the place of
Perfect submission,
Total obedience,
And maximum fruit?
When am I going to
Let go and let God have His wonderful way with me?
When am I going to get out of God’s way
And get out of my own way
And progress into the place of Christlikeness?
When will I dwell in the secret place of the Most High
And abide under the shadow of the Almighty?
When am I going to enter in His rest?
When am I going to swap filthy, righteous rags
For His unfading glory, manifesting daily
Through foolish and weak flesh such as me?
When am I going to lay down my heavy yoke of self-imposed burdens
And take up His light yoke?
When am I going to put faith into action,
Legs on my prayers,
My muscles where my theology is?
In light of the present situation
I could easy talk myself into a
Good cry,
A discouraging predicament,
Or a detour to depression.
But…
I have fallen into the hands of a merciful God.
My Lord King ever lives to make intercession for me
At the right hand of the Majesty on High.
The Kingdom of God is not without but within.
God’s favor is not based on my performance
Rather it is predicated on the Blood of His dear Son, Jesus.
Thanks be to god for the indescribable gift of Jesus Christ.
There is hope
Because God is alive and not only His enemies will be scattered
But mine as well.
Even myself.
Even so,
Lord Jesus,
Help me today to
Trust in you, Lord, with all of my heart
And lean not on my own understanding
But in all my ways acknowledge you
And I truly believe that you shall direct my paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).
DSR. July 6, 1999