by David Scott Robertson
The married couple celebrates their silver wedding anniversary.
Twenty-five years with the same partner!
Perhaps you know of someone in your family or friendship circle
Who has even achieved the golden milestone of fifty years of holy matrimony!
What a stark contrast these couples are to the epidemic of divorce in our culture
(at this writing hovering around fifty-two percent.)
Imagine being together for twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years and beyond!
This year my family and I will make our way to Southern Illinois to celebrate my grandparents' seventieth wedding anniversary!
Paul Harvey calls people like my granparents "world champion lovers."
Surely to goodness couple who post numbers like these that have endured life's hardships and marital challenges must be considered as outstanding role models for the rest of us married folks, right?
Shouldn't you and I be eager to draw from the wellspring of marriages that have lasted for decades? Young couples like my wife and I (married a mere 15 years) should be standing in line to reap the accrued wisdom, experience, and sage advice of all older couples who have stood the test of time.
Is that right?
Isn't that right?
Surely that's right, right?
Not necessarily.
That would be true if the number of years a couple is married was equivalent to marital success. It's when you start to pin down and define what "success" in marriage is that things get a little fuzzy.
The clear cultural implication is that the longer you have been married the better the marriage. May I ask how much work does it require a husband and wife to do to make time pass? Absolutely none. No effort required.
How much work does it take to maintain a healthy, growing, satisfying, marriage characterized by good communication? Plenty of effort required.
As a matter of fact couples must work themselves to death (until their own selfish flesh dies and they begin to esteem the needs of their spouse as greater than their own (Philippians 2:3).
You see, I don't buy the lie that all couples who have been married for twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years and beyond have successful marriages. That's called a "misnomer."
I've lived enough of life to know and have observed enough married couples up close and personal to realize that there is a phenomena that I call "married singles" entrenched in numerous long-term marriages.
What in the world am I talking about?
Maybe you've seen it without realizing it.
He has his life and she has hers.
He has his money and she has hers.
He has his friends, hobbies and secrets and she has hers.
She's a doormat and he's a tyrant.
She can't do anything right and he thinks he doesn't do anything wrong.
He's a selfish pig and she's a lousy housekeeper who has let her body go.
He's the strong silent type who once told her
"I love you and if anything changes I'll let you know"
And she's dying inside from communication deficit.
And yet the family gathers every year to give them Hallmark cards and gifts they don't need to celebrate another year of marital bliss.
Now that's one side of the coin.
The flip side, and rest assured there is one,
Is that there are indeed sterling examples of truly wonderful marriages from which we can and should draw from as young couples in need of role models.
There are marriage partnerships consisting of two imperfect individuals becoming "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24) and committing to each other to working out and walking out life as a team no matter what.
I have come to two conclusions in this thought today regarding long-term relationships within the God-ordained institution of marriage:
Conclusion #1: Not all that glitters is gold and not all that's gold glitters.
Just because a married couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary does not mean that they are shining example of an extremely satisfying relationship.
They may in fact have been repeating the same relational mistakes for the last 49 years.
Conclusion #2: Jesus Christ is the cement that holds a marriage together as He leads couples on a success journey together.
Men and women are so vastly different that it's a wonder any marriage anywhere at anytime succeeds at all. It takes the power of God at work in a marriage to keep it alive and healthy and growing and maturing in the way God intends. When a marriage is good, it is a sign and a wonder. There's nothing better this side of heaven. It's an earthly portrait of a heavenly picture of Christ and the Church.
(Prov 18:22 NIV) "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD."
(Gen 2:18 NIV) "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
But when a marriage is bad, every other victory in life is hollow and shallow:
(Prov 30:21 NIV) "Under three things the earth trembles, under four it cannot bear up:
(Prov 30:22 NIV) a servant who becomes king, a fool who is full of food,
(Prov 30:23 NIV) AN UNLOVED WOMAN WHO IS MARRIED, and a maidservant who displaces her mistress."
(Prov 21:9 NIV) "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."
I would encourage all married couples to take the occasion of their wedding anniversary as an annual opportunity to renew their covenant faithfulness to each other and to the Lord AND to evaluate how they can selflessly carry out that covenant in a life that is ABUNDANT!
Only then can they truly live happily ever after.
DSR
1/20/03