by David Scott Robertson
"JESUS COULDN'T PLEASE EVERYONE."
I love this statement because it really takes the pressure off me. If Jesus, being perfect, couldn't please everyone while on earth, what hope do I have? The underlying truth of that statement is that Jesus didn't come to please everybody. That wasn't His assignment. The fault was not found in Him but with those that found fault with Him.
Where am I going with this? Well, it all came about the other day when I innocently logged on to check my email…
A few days ago I received an email from someone I didn't know. It was a stinging, scathing rebuke and verbal assault on me for my writing "Thoughts About God." Apparently a friend on my distribution list had forwarded one (or more) of my "Thoughts" to them. The person vehemently disagreed with my views (no problem there) and bludgeoned me with his words (problem). He thoughtfully ended the email with "love you my Christian brother."
Another example. Recently, my pastor was preaching his Sunday morning message and used me as a sermon illustration (that's what staff pastors are for!). He told the congregation the story of how a former church member had absolutely no use or respect for me. This person so chaffed under the my authority as an associate pastor that they not only refused to submit but elected to leave the church rather than remain and solve the problem (instead she and her husband left and started their own church). My pastor shared with our congregation how I had tried to make overtures of reconciliation that were soundly and repeatedly rejected to the point that my pastor instructed me to stop trying to make things right. Whoever made the statement "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me" obviously had never been cussed out.
I'll bet you who are reading this can identify with me. Somewhere along the way you've been misunderstood too. Your motives were judged before all the facts were in (and please understand that we NEVER have all the facts!). You were labeled, stereotyped, booked and sentenced before you even knew there was a problem!
What's an imperfect Christian like me to do? Well, I don't know it all but at least I know a few things NOT to do:
Don't get mad.
Don't get jaded.
Don't get cynical.
Don't get even.
Don't stop what God started.
Don't call off what has God called on.
If you've ever been mistreated, misrepresented, misquoted, misinterpreted, then you've joined an elite club that has many distinguished members of profoundly misunderstood people. Here are a few of your longstanding fellow members:
PAUL THE APOSTLE - All he ever wanted to do was preach the gospel and they beat him, stoned him, and imprisoned him for it. PAUL'S RESPONSE: "So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man" (Acts 24:16).
DAVID, ANOINTED BY THE PROPHET SAMUEL TO BE KING OF ISRAEL - All David ever wanted to do was be faithful to one man who was his boss, his father-in-law, his general, his best friend's dad, his king, that is, Saul, who was hunting him down like an animal to murder him. DAVID'S RESPONSE: "May the LORD judge between you and me. And may the LORD avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you" (1 Samuel 24:12).
JESUS CHRIST, THE MESSIAH - All He ever wanted to do was preach the good news to the poor, bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim freedom for the captives, release the prisoners from darkness, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, to comfort all who mourn, to provide for those who grieve in Zion, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and the garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair (Isaiah 61:1-3). But alas, the God-Man, the perfect, sinless, faultless Holy and Anointed One, the Only Begotten Son of God was, according to the opinion of the religious leaders, so offensive that they deemed Him not fit to live. JESUS' RESPONSE: "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:21).
The Lord impressed on my heart one day while pondering such things that "at any given time there may be a small number of people upset with you. But until I make you aware of it, don't worry about it. When I do, do your best to make things right." Does that bear witness with you? Doesn't that sound like something God would say? How does the Bible tell us to make things right?
* * * 4 STEPS TO BIBLICAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION * * *
1. GO "QUICKLY" TO THE "ONE" WHO HAS OFFENDED YOU (OR WHOM YOU HAVE OFFENDED): "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over" (Matthew 18:15).
2. RETURN, IF NECESSARY, TO ESTABLISH THE MATTER WITH ONE OR TWO OTHER WITNESSES: "But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses'" (Matthew 18:16).
3. TAKE THE MATTER TO YOUR PASTOR/CHURCH LEADERS: "If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector" (Matthew 18:17).
4. TREAT THE OFFENDER AS A PAGAN - "Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him" (Titus 3:10).
* * * 5 PRACTICAL THINGS TO DO WHEN TROUBLE FINDS YOU * * *
1. PRAY (Ephesians 6:18; Philippians 4:6-7).
2. REFUSE TO ALLOW YOURSELF OR YOUR FAMILY TO GET CAUGHT UP IN A CRITICAL SPIRIT (Joshua 24:15; Numbers 13:32-14:2).
3. RUN (DON'T WALK) TO THE SCRIPTURES FOR INSTRUCTIONS (Psalm 119:9-11; Proverbs 18:19).
4. GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO BE NICE TO THE "OFFENDING" OR "OFFENDED" PARTIES (Romans 12:20; Luke 6:36-38).
5. IF SOMEONE COMES TO YOU WITH GOSSIP OR A GRIEVANCE ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE, ATTEMPT TO THE CONNECT THE TWO PARTIES RAPIDLY (Proverbs 3:27; Matthew 5:9).
* * * 7 BENEFITS FOR HANDLING CONFLICT WISELY * * *
If you will do these things, here are seven benefits for handling conflict wisely that will be yours: (1) answered prayer (Matthew 18:19), (2) unhindered prayer in your home (1 Peter 3:7), (3) you will love life and see good days (1 Peter 3:9-10), (4) You will dwell in God's sanctuary (Psalm 15:1-3), (6) honor (Proverbs 20:3), (7) contentment (1 Timothy 6:6), fellowship (Amos 3:3), and a wonderful opportunity to glorify God (John 15:8; Matthew 5:16).
DSR
7/4/04